Internet Business Daily

I have been a webmaster for a few years now, and Google tends to perplex me slightly less than a woman does. Upon realizing this, I started thinking about all the other ways that Google can be compared to a woman and was surprised to notice that there were plenty of ways. Here are the reasons why Google is exactly like a woman, from a webmaster’s perspective:

• 1. Can’t live with her, can’t live without her. – Just like a woman, it is both impossible to live with and without Google. It’s good times when Google loves you and you’re receiving traffic that is so targeted that it is converting at levels not seen anywhere else. However, for Google to love you so, you must change everything about yourself (aka your site). You must put keywords in the right places, h-tags, sitemaps and everything else to please Google. If you don’t do exactly what Google (or your woman) says, the love vanishes as quickly as it came.
• 2. No one knows exactly what goes on inside the head of women. – Just like women, no one except a select few inside Google know exactly how the algorithm works. One day you may just fall off the index and you’ll never know why. Google (and women) change their mind multiple times per day about what is acceptable to them and judges you constantly.
• 3. Always looking for something better. – Google is constantly comparing you (your website) against every other website (fish in the sea) out there. As soon as Google finds something better, they have no problem moving you down and out.
• 4. Women love the popular guy. – Just like a woman, Google judges you on how popular you are (links). The more popular a site is, the more Google gives it its sweet, sweet lovin’.
• 5. You’ll never know you did something wrong till it’s too late. – Women love to randomly be angry at a guy for seemingly no reason. Just like Google will penalize you for seemingly no reason and by the time you realize, it is too late. The worst part is even when you do realize you did something wrong, Google (and especially women) won’t say a damn word about why or what you did.
• 6. Women withhold sex when they are angry at you. – Google, just like a woman, will withhold your favorite thing from you if you have done something wrong. Just like #5, you’ll never know the reason why, but are forced to suffer the consequences none-the-less (no Google traffic).
• 7. When it’s good, it’s really good. – By the slim chance that you have done everything right and Google decides to let you into her loving embrace, times couldn’t be better. You will feel on top of the world. Remember, this love is fleeting so don’t do anything to piss her off like sleep with her sister…err, I mean use Yahoo.